No More Fiction
Read short stories and book reviews by Misha Berveno. Follow behind the scenes on Instagram.
The first time it happened, I was five hours into a highway drive south to see my parents.
The sirens flashed behind me. I pulled over. The police officer took his time approaching.
“I’m afraid we’ll have to impound your car.”
I couldn’t believe it.
“What? Why?”
“Rental company called. You passed the 500-kilometre daily limit.”
I looked at the dashboard. The trip meter read 501.
“How can that be? It’s a rental!”
“Have you read the terms and conditions? Clearly says so in the fine print.”
He gave me a printout of the car rental agreement.
“What the fuck?”
The second time it happened, my car was being taken away by a tow truck. The landlord called.
“I just emailed you an eviction notice, effective immediately. Your stuff is in the shed outside.”
I couldn’t believe it.
“What? Why?”
“Utility company called. You passed the 500-kWh monthly limit.”
I checked my email. The meter statement read 501.
“How can that be? It’s a rental!”
“Have you read the terms and conditions? Clearly says so in the fine print. Anyway, I’ve already listed your apartment online for double the rent.”
“What the actual fuck?”
The third time it happened, I’d just hung up the phone and immediately got another call from the airline.
“We cancelled your return flight.”
I couldn’t believe it.
“What? Why?”
“Our records show that you skipped your departing flight today, so we’ve cancelled the return flight as well.”
I’d rented the car last minute but planned to fly back.
“How can that be? I paid for the whole trip.”
“Have you read the terms and conditions? Clearly says in the fine print that this is what we do.”
“Un-fucking-believable.”
The fourth time it happened, I was trying to call a cab. The call cut off, and I received a text from the phone company.
“We’re sorry to inform you that, as per the fine print in the terms and conditions, we’ve terminated your contract due to excessive roaming.”
I tried sending a middle-finger emoji back, but it failed to deliver.
So here I am, sitting on a concrete divider in July heat with the terms and conditions in my hand. The ink is smudging under my fingers from the sweat. I start reading and can’t hold back laughing. What a stupid situation to find yourself in. What a stupid, stupid day.
